How to choose your midwife

The Ultimate Guide to Finding the Perfect Fit

I just picked my midwife yesterday (yay!), and let me tell you—it wasn’t easy! When I went online looking for advice on how to choose a midwife, I couldn’t find much that actually helped. It left me feeling even more uncertain about the whole process. So, if you’re meeting with different midwives or you’ve already met a few but are still stuck, this post is for you. I thought I'd share the process that helped me—so maybe it can help you too.

1. Trust Your Intuition

First and foremost, trust your intuition. The moment you meet your midwife, pay attention to how you feel. It might sound cliché, but your gut usually knows. Does their energy feel right for you? Are they calm, warm, and approachable, or do they make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy? How does your partner feel? That first impression usually doesn’t lie. You’ll know right away if you feel like they could be the one guiding you through your birth. Your birth experience is deeply personal, so you want to be with someone whose energy makes you feel safe, calm, and confident.

2. Go in Prepared

Before meeting with your midwife, take some time to chat with your partner about what’s important to you. What are your goals for the birth? Any fears or questions? What kind of experience are you hoping for? How would you like to feel during labour?

Write down the things that are non-negotiable for you, and don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions. And trust me—ask the awkward questions too! Things like: "What’s your philosophy on cervical checks or interventions?" or "How do you handle complications?" Watch their reactions to these questions. How do they respond? Do they take the time to answer thoughtfully, or do they brush it off, give vague responses, or tell you not to worry? If they seem evasive or dismissive, that’s a big red flag.

You want someone who listens to you with genuine patience and sincerity, who acknowledges your concerns, and takes them seriously .

3. Know Their ‘Why’

Take some time to learn about your midwife’s background and philosophy. How long have they been a midwife? What motivates them to do this work? Why did they become a midwife in the first place? Understanding their passion and experience can give you insight into whether they’ll be the right person to support you through your journey.

Is their philosophy in line with what you envision for your birth? Do they prioritize natural birth, or are they more hands-on? There’s no right or wrong answer here—it’s all about finding someone who aligns with your values and comfort level.

4. Practical Stuff to Consider

Okay, now onto the logistics. A few things to keep in mind:

• Location: How far away is your midwife? Are you comfortable with the distance? Especially if you’re planning a home birth, this can be an important factor.

• Backup Midwife: Does she have a second midwife who will be there during labor? If so, ask to meet them as well. You want to be comfortable with everyone who could potentially be there on the big day.

• Availability: How many other women is your midwife supporting that month? What are the chances of her not being available when you go into labor? Some midwives might be managing multiple births at once, and if you’re looking for a more personalized experience, it’s important to understand how this might affect the attention you receive.

• Finances: Take a close look at their pricing structure. What’s included in their care packages? Do they offer payment plans or have any flexibility with fees? It’s important to know what you’re committing to financially, so you’re not surprised later on. Make sure you’re comfortable with the costs, and ask about any additional fees that may come up during the process.

5. Don’t Rush the Decision

Choosing your midwife is not something to rush. It took me over five days of going back and forth before I finally knew who I wanted to go with. And guess what? Eventually, it clicked, and I knew without a doubt that I’d found the right person. Trust that you’ll know when it’s the right fit—it just takes time.

Meet with a few midwives, ask the questions that matter to you, and take your time to sit with your feelings. Trust that the right midwife will resonate with you, and when the time comes, you’ll feel confident in your choice.

Final Thoughts

Choosing your midwife is such an important decision, and it can feel overwhelming at times. But with patience, trust in your intuition, get support from your partner and a little research, you’ll find the perfect person to support you through your birth. You deserve someone who listens to you, supports your birth plan, and makes you feel comfortable every step of the way.

I hope this post helps guide you in your journey to choosing the right midwife. You’ve got this—and soon, you’ll know exactly who’s meant to walk with you through this incredible experience.